| Boudreaux calls
the doctor and says, "Doc, doc, my wife Marie is in labor and da
contractions are only two minutes apart!" The doctor asked, "Is this
her first child?" Boudreaux shouts, "No, you idiot, this is her
Boudreaux at the
hunting camp with 3 buddies, drinking beer and playing bouree. We'll
call them: Thibodeaux, Gauthreaux, and Fontenot. "Boudreaux ", says
Fontenot, "You coming hunt them bear with us in the morn?" Boudreaux ,
the excellent hunter that he is, says," Non, I think I'll go alone; I
hunt better that way". So, in the morning when everyone else woke to go
on the hunt, there was ole Boudreaux , returning from his hunt with a
big black bear. There was only ONE bullet hole on the bear, right
between the eyes. "Damn, you are a good shot", says Thibodeaux, who is
leaving to go hunting. "Yep, one shot - that's all it took"says
Boudreaux ,"I told you!" Well, they came back later that day without a
single bear. That night, the same routine; beer and bouree. Thibodeaux
asks Boudreaux if he'll go on the hunt with them in the morn. Again,
Boudreaux says "No, I hunt better alone." So, in the morn all 3 guys
are leaving for the hunt when Boudreaux is returning with a bear.
Again, only ONE bullet hole between the eyes. Gauthreaux, not believing
what he's seeing, exclaims "Boudreaux , how you do it with one shot?
You can't be that good, huh?" Well, the same thing happens later that
day; they return without a single bear. The next morning Boudreaux
returns with a bear as the other 3 are leaving for their hunt. But,
this time, there were 3 bullet holes on the bear; one in between the
eyes, one in the left paw, and one in the right paw. Gauthreaux ,
seeing the three bullet holes,exclaims, "Uh huh, I knew you couldn't do
it three times in a row with one bullet; I knew you wasn't that good!!"
Boudreaux , remaining calm, says "No man, all it took was one shot -
that's it!! You see, it was pretty dark when I shot him. I put my
flashlight up like that and shined it at his eyes. When he saw the
light , he put both his hands over his eyes to cover them, and that's
when I shot."
walking down the road when he's approached by his friend, Thibodeaux,
who is carrying a very long bamboo fishing pole, and a yardstick. They
stop and talk awhile, when Thibodeaux stands the pole straight up in
the air, and attempts to reach the very top with the yardstick. Seeing
it won't work, ole Boudreaux yanks the pole from Thibodeaux's hands ,
lays it on the sidewalk and measures it. "There you go; it's 12 feet
long", says Boudreaux . Thibodeaux, upset and very irritated, grabs the
yardstick and yells to Boudreaux ," You fool!! I don't want to know how
long it is!! I want to know how high it is!
Circle of Life
Boudreaux is driving down the big road in Houston, Texas, when all of a
sudden this big ole Texan cuts him off and forces Boudreaux to the
shoulder where Boudreaux immediately gets out his Country Cadillac
(pick-up truck) and walks up to the Texan and begans screaming at the
guy. The Texan, remaining calm, politely goes to his trunk, and pulls
out a tire tool. He bends over and draws a circle in the concrete on
the shoulder of the Interstate and tells Boudreaux to get in the circle
and DON'T get out. Well, the Texan walks over to Boudreaux's pick-up
truck and bashes in his tail lights. Looking at Boudreaux , the Texan
sees him laughing hard. Getting even more frustated, the Texan bashes
in the back glass. Looking over at Boudreaux again, he sees him lying
on the ground, rolling from laughing so hard. This really gets the
Texan upset, so he bashes in the front windshield, the headlights, and
the mirrors. Walking over to where Boudreaux was at, in the circle, he
still sees ole Boudreaux on the ground, laughing so hard that he's
turning blue in the face. Not understanding why, the Texan says to
Boudreaux , " Man, I bash in your windows, and you laugh; I bash in
your tail lights, and you laugh; I bash in your windshield, mirrors and
headlights, and you can barely breathe because you're laughing so hard.
What the hell is wrong with you?" Finally catching his breath,
Boudreaux says, "You fool; you Texans think you're so much better than
us; you know what? When you wasn't looking, I got out that circle three
walking down the road one day and spotted Boudreaux walking towards him
carrying a sack over his shoulder. When they met up on the road,
Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux " What you got in the sack?" Boudreaux
replies "I got me some chickens in this sack." Thibodeaux then says to
Boudreaux , "If I guess how many chickens are in the sack, can I have
one?" Boudreaux , the polite man that he is, kindly says,"If you can
guess how many chickens I have in this sack, I'll give you BOTH of
Thibodeaux were driving on the highway, on their way to go bear
hunting. They come upon this fork in the road, where there was a sign
that said " BEAR LEFT". They turned around and went home.
Boudreaux goes to
a local carpenter in his hometown and asks him if he could build a box
two inches wide, by two inches high, by 50 feet long. The carpenter,
slightly confused by the request, says he could do it, but out of
curiosity, he asks what the box will be used for. Boudreaux says
"Nothing really important; you see, my neighbor moved about a week ago,
and he forgot a couple of things. He asked if I could mail his garden
home from work late one night and hears a voice in his head. The voice
tells him, "Hey Boudreaux, quit your job, sell your house, take yo
money, go to Vegas." Boudreaux is very disturbed at what he hears and
ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same
thing happens. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house,
take yo money, go to Vegas." Again Boudreaux ignores the voice, though
he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, for about
four or three days, Boudreaux hears the same voice when he gets home
from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to
Vegas." Each time he hears the voice he becomes increasingly upset.
Finally, after two weeks, Boudreaux succumbs to the pressure. He does
quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas. The
moment he gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to
Harrahs." So, he hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrahs. As soon as
he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette
table." Boudreaux does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette
table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously,
Boudreaux cashes in his money for chips and then puts them all on 17.
The dealer wishes Boudreaux good luck and spins the roulette wheel.
Around and around the ball caroms. Boudreaux anxiously watches the ball
as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number .. . 21.
"Damn Boudreaux," says the voice!!
went to the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary
Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word.
She said, "Here's $2.00 - put in dere tat BOUDREAUX DIED. They said,
Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want more dan dat." She said, Mais, no, just
Boudreaux died. The editor said, "Well, you're a little upset. Bring
yourself back tomorrow and you will probably tink of somethin else. She
came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I taught of somethin else,
"BOAT FOR SALE".
Boudreaux won the
eight million dollar Lotto drawing. So early Monday morning he drives
to Lotto headquarters in Baton Rouge to collect his winnings. Boudreaux
tells the clerk, I won the Lotto and I come to collect my money, eight
million dollar. The clerk tells him I am sorry Mr. Boudreaux but we
don't give all the money at one time, we will pay you four hundred
thousand dollars for the next twenty years. Boudreaux tells the clerk
may non cher I don't want to wait twenty years for my money I want it
today and all of it! Again she tells him I am sorry sir but that's not
the way it works. Boudreaux was furious so he tells the clerk if you
can't give me all of my money today then here is your ticket and give
me back my dollar.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were going fishing. Boudreaux wanted to check
the boat trailer lights. So he told Thibodeaux to go in the back and
check the lights. Thibodeaux said press the brakes, both lights came on
and he said, "It works". Boudreaux put on the right signal and
Thibodeaux said, "It works, it don't, it works, it don't, it works, it
Poor ole Boudreaux up and died one day. Upon arriving at the gates of
Heaven, St. Peter greeted him, "Welcome to Heaven, dere Boudreaux!"
Boudreaux exclaimed "Mai, tank ya, cher!" St. Peter explained to ole
Boudreaux that there was one stipulation before he was allowed through
the gates of Heaven....he had to answer one question and get it right.
Boudreaux scratched his head and said, "Mai, ok, cher. What dat be?"
St. Peter says "What is God's first name?" Boudreaux answers, "Mai,
cher, dat be easy, it's Howard." St. Peter (laughing himself silly)
"HOWARD? May I ask you, Boudreaux, how'd you come up with that name?"
Boudreaux, smiling proudly, says "Mai cher, dat be an easy one.....Our
Fadda who art in Heavin, HOWARD be dy name." St. Peter, still
chuckling, says "I can't argue with that one, Boudreaux! Come on in!"
Boudreaux's Two Worse Pains
Mais, Boudreaux stuck a splinter under his fingernail. So, he went to
the docteur. The docteur say, mais Boudreaux dat must hurt! I'm gone
have to stick a needle in your finger to deaden it up so I can get dat
outta dere. Boudreaux say Doc just go pull it out. The docteur say mais
Boudreaux dat gone hurt. Boudreaux say dat's ok Doc I done had the two
worse pains dere is in the world. Just pull it out. The docteur say
mais non Boudreaux you don't onerstand...dat's gone hurt bad. Boudreaux
say mais doc I can take it. I done had de two worst pains in the world.
Just go get it out. The docteur say mais ok but hole on Boudreaux! Mais
sho nuf Boudreaux holds still sweating buckshot but the doc finally
gets the splinter out. The docteur say mais Boudreaux I just wouldn't
believe you stand dat! I just gotta know man what was the two worst
pains in the world worst than that? Boudreaux say well doc I was duck
huntin' a while back in the swamp when here come some ducks. Mais, I
stoop down in that water to hide when one of them nutria traps got me
right in the groin!! Mais. dat was the second worst pain in the world!!
The docteur say poo yie Boudreaux dat musta hurt! But what could be
worst than dat? Boudreaux said mais doc the worst pain was when I got
to the end of that CHAIN!
Boudreaux Moves to Ireland
Boudreaux walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three
more. The bartender asks him, "You know Boudreaux, a pint goes flat
after I pour it; wouldn't you rather I pour fresh pints for you, one at
a time?" Boudreaux replies: "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is
now in Nova Scotia, and the other, in France, and me, mais I'm from
Louisiana. When we all left home, we promised we'd drink this way to
remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that
this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Boudreaux becomes a regular
in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and
drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the
regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have
happened to one of the absent brothers. When Boudreaux goes back to the
bar for a second round, the bartender says, "Hey Boudreaux, I don't
want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on
your great loss." Boudreaux looks confused for a moment and then a
light dawns in his eye and he laughs and says: "Oh, no, no, no,
arrybody's 's fine. I've just given up beer for Lent."