Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because
of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour
later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews
clear across the huge chapel.
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind.
He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want
me to install these blinds?"
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis,"
she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter
heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had
ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your
hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then
the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did
you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she
sits in it!"
A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're
prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her
Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did
was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence
on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the
females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a
little fun?" One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away!
We've made it to heaven!"
Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never
come this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"
Why don't Baptist's have sex standing up?
Somebody might think they're dancing.
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked
the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first
person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job."
He says, "You have sinned."
Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain
sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of
the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job. The altar boy
answered, "Oh, about five dollars."
One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun,
and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about
it for a while she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he
had never been married, did not have any kids and went to church every
Sunday." So the cab driver said "What do you know, I don't have any
kids, never been married and I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked
her if she would have sex with him and she agreed as long as he would
take her from behind. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said
"Ha ha, I have six kids, I've been married three times and I've never
been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off her mask and
said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"
The preacher's wife was making Sunday dinner, when the preacher walked
in the house and says "that ham smells wonderful." His wife replies
"That's a Dam-Ham." The preacher was surprised by his wife's use of
profanity. She showed him the wrapper and explained that was the brand
name of the ham. They sat down for dinner and the preacher says to his
son, "Son, pass me the dam-ham." and his son replies, "that's the
spirit, Pop, now pass me the fucking potatoes"